So the answer to ‘Which category are you in?’ is, of course, ‘All of them, it depends on who, when, where…’ You display different behaviours in different contexts, with different people, at different times.

However, most people have adopted a particular stance in the world and are keen to hold this intact. So they create the appearance of having a consistent character. One of the ways this is done is by becoming quite good at controlling the environments we enter into. We may avoid situations where we think we might not function well and put ourselves in situations where we know we are safe and comfortable.

And we hold this stance intact so that the world will respond to us in a certain way. Why?

When the world responds to us in this certain way, we feel comfortable. We know who we are. We know we are okay. So much of our lives are organised to make sure that the world treats us the way we need to be treated. And when we find behaviours that generate the responses that we want, we keep doing them.

Some people engage in behaviours that are loud and noisy and, of course, it attracts a certain kind of attention. When the world responds in this way, they know they're okay. Others may ask lots of questions. And the world gives them attention by giving them answers. And still others do things that allow them to stay very quiet. And the universe pays them attention in a different way, a way that allows them to get what they want.

So what if, instead of having to get the feedback from the universe to know that you’re okay, you could generate this sense internally? Instead of having to do things to create this awareness, you started with this awareness intact, and then used it to generate the things to be doing?

For a start, it would allow you to have massive behavioural flexibility. All the time you've previously spent trying to get the world to respond to you would now be freed up to do the things you really want to do. You would no longer be at the whim of the universe. Instead, you begin to have the ability to create the experiences that you want to be having. Your decision making model reorganizes to shift the boundary conditions of the categories you operate within.

And you begin to influence not just the direction that you are taking in your own life, but you also get to choose the ‘You’ that is moving in that direction.

“When people are free to do as they please, they usually imitate each other.”
Eric Hoffer, social philosopher

Dr. David McDermott left a career as a Plastic Surgeon to follow his own path. He says he used to change people on the outside so that they could feel good about themselves on the inside. Now he is a Certified NLP Trainer and a MythoSelf® Master Trainer. He teaches people how to change on the inside so that who they are influences what they do, and what they do strengthens who they are. You can find out more about him at http://www.lifesunlimited.com where you can also sign up for his free newsletter.

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